Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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