just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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