i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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