Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We're too hungover to prance.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
