I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
