i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
