I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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