How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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