Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
