I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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