i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
