I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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