so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
