You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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