just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
