i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A+ Viking dick
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
