maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
