then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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