just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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