Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
