I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
this hospital has no fireball
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
