6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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