We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize