I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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