I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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