you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
only you would photoshop your dick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
