pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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