listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
