after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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