Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
