I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
