I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
