i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
