Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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