just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
