Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
