you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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