Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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