wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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