if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
