im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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