i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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