i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
