just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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