Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
