Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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