Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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