Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
