Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
