Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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