You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
