He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
