im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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